Bill Clinton says Barack Obama must 'kiss my ass' for his support

Bill Clinton is so bitter about Barack Obama's victory over his wife Hillary that he has told friends the Democratic nominee will have to beg for his wholehearted support.

So I was wondering is that 10 million dollar donation that Obama is going to give them to pay up all her campagin debt, going to be enough ass kissing?

GRANDMA'S BIRTH CONTROL PILLS

After working most of her life Grandma finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills."Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?"Yes, they help me sleep at night.""Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!" She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks... And believe me, it helps me sleep at night ." You gotta love Grandmas!

Mortgage rates at 9-month high

Rates on 30-year fixed mortgages have surged a tenth of a percentage point to a 9-month high on growing concerns about inflation, mortgage backer Freddie Mac said Thursday.
Freddie Mac (FRE, Fortune 500) said 30-year fixed-rate mortgages averaged 6.42% with an average of 0.7 point in the week ending Thursday, up from 6.32% last week. Last year at this time, the 30-year loan averaged 6.69%.
The last time the 30-year fixed rate mortgage was higher was the week ended Sept. 6, when it averaged 6.46%, according to Eileen B. Fitzpatrick, a Freddie Mac spokeswoman. "Fixed-rate mortgage rates continued to climb this week to the highest point in nearly nine months following the release of May's consumer and producer price indexes, both of which showed stronger levels of inflation," said Frank Nothaft, Freddie Mac vice president and chief economist, in a statement.
"Additionally, consumer prices rose 0.6% last month, the most since November 2007, and traders began to fully price in a Federal Reserve rate hike by the end of September, based on the federal funds futures market," he added.
For rates to stop climbing and start to ease, "we would have to see some settling of inflation pressures - notably a leveling, if not outright decline, of food and energy costs," said Keith Gumbinger, vice president of HSHAssociates.com, an online publisher of consumer loan information.
While inflationary pressure is pushing interest rates higher, it's also pushing buyers out of the market and home prices down, said Gumbinger.
"Interest rates were about this level - give or take - last year, but home prices were considerably higher," he said. "Rates may not be lower, but your home prices may be lower."
The 15-year fixed-rate mortgage this week averaged 6.02% with an average 0.7 point, up from last week when it averaged 5.93%. A year ago at this time, the 15-year FRM averaged 6.37%. The last time the 15-year FRM was higher was the week ending Oct. 18, when it averaged 6.08%.
Five-year adjustable-rate mortgages (ARMs) averaged 5.89% this week, with an average 0.6 point, up from last week when it averaged 5.70%. A year ago, the 5-year ARM averaged 6.31%. This is the highest the 5-year ARM has been since the week ending Dec. 27, when it averaged 5.90%.
One-year Treasury-indexed ARMs averaged 5.19% this week with an average 0.6 point, up from last week when it was 5.09%. At this time last year, the 1-year ARM averaged 5.66%.
"The housing market still struggles. New construction of single family (1-unit) homes fell in May to the weakest pace since January 1991 and April's starts had a downward revision," added Nothaft.

8 people arrested for mortgage fraud

The eight Dallas-Fort Worth area residents arrested by federal agents earlier this week is part of a national takedown of mortgage fraud schemes, according to the U.S. Department of Justice.
In an effort dubbed "Operation Malicious Mortgage," the department and the Federal Bureau of Investigation have charged 406 people in 144 mortgage fraud cases between March 1 and June 18.
"Operation Malicious Mortgage highlights the strong enforcement response undertaken by the Department of Justice and its law enforcement partners to combat the threat mortgage fraud poses to the U.S. housing industry and worldwide credit markets," the department said in a press release.
On Wednesday, federal agents arrested 60 people in 15 districts across the country on mortgage fraud. Locally, authorities arrested eight people and indicted three others in connection to a four-year mortgage scheme involving 11 Dallas-Fort Worth area homes. (See Dallas Business Journal story "FBI arrests 8 people for mortgage fraud")
U.S. attorneys have brought charges in every region of the United States and in more than 50 judicial districts. The FBI estimates that $1 billion in losses were inflicted by the mortgage fraud schemes employed in these cases.
The Justice Department has even gone after big companies. On Thursday, U.S. attorneys in New York indicted two senior managers of failed Bear Stearns hedge funds, charging Ralph Cioffi and Mathew Tannin with conspiracy, securities fraud and wire fraud. Cioffi was also charged with insider trading.
The indictment alleged that the two managers marketed the two funds as a low risk strategy, backed by a pool of debt securities such as mortgages. But by March 2007, the managers believed the funds were in grave condition and at risk of collapse, but made misrepresentations to stave off investor withdrawal, prosecutors said. The funds subsequently collapsed in the summer of 2007 resulting in $1.4 billion in losses to investors.
"Mortgage fraud and related securities fraud pose a significant threat to our economy, to the stability of our nation's housing market and to the peace of mind of millions of American homeowners," said Deputy Attorney General Mark R. Filip. "Operation Malicious Mortgage and our other mortgage-related enforcement actions demonstrate the Justice Department's commitment and determination to combat these criminal schemes, hold their perpetrators accountable and help restore stability and confidence in our housing and credit markets."
Besides the FBI and Justice Department, other federal agencies involved in Operation Malicious Mortgage include the U.S. Postal Inspection Service, Internal Revenue Service, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement, U.S. Secret Service, U.S. Trustee Program, Department of Housing and Urban Development Office, Department of Veterans Affairs, and Federal Deposit Insurance Corp.

One Question IQ Test

Here's a one-question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day......

There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now, if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?

Think about it first before scrolling down for the answer...

He opens his mouth and says. 'I would like to buy a pair of sunglasses.' If you got this wrong, please turn off your computer and call it a day. I've got mine shutting down right now.(You know you missed it too, so shut down your computer.)

the bird feeder.

I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it lovingly with seed.

It was indeed a beautiful bird feeder.

With in a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.

But then the birds started building nests in the boards ofthe patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue. Then came the bird shit. It was everywhere; on the patio tile, the chairs, the table ... everywhere! Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.

And others birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.

Aftera while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone.

I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like it used to be ... quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal. Now let's see ..... Our government gives out freefood, subsidized housing, free medical care, and free educationand allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.

Then the illegals came by the millions. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for freeservices; small apartments
arehousing 5 or more families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen bya doctor in an emergency room because it is filled with illegals; your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English.

Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to press one' to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than 'Old Glory' are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding
morerights and free liberties.
Its just my opinion but: maybe, just maybe, it's time for the government to take down the damn bird feeder.

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of
language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative

'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

Number 1

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___you're doing.

Number 2

TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go -getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.

Number 3

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

Number 4

TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.

Number 5

TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!

Number 6

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

Number 7

TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in t he project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.

Number 8

TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

Number 9

TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.

Number 10

TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?

Number 11

TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.

Number 12

TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

Number 13

TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my black a__.

Number 14

TRY SAYIN G: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.

Number 15

TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

Number 16

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.

Number 17

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?

Number 18

TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.

Thank You,
Human Resources

Things you never thought about...

Here are a few things to think about that you probably have
> never thought about;
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Can you cry under water?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> How important does a person have to be before they are
> considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but
> it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going
> to?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes
> you were buried in for eternity?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> What disease did cured ham actually have?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it
> would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies
> wake up like every two hours?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a
> hearing?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money
> in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going
> to see you naked anyway.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to
> a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid
> song about him?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of
> a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time,
> but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
> They're both dogs!
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap,
> why didn't he just buy dinner?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
> vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from
> morons?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
> same tune?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he
> gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his
> head out the window?
>

6 secrets to saving power

Saving staggeringly high amounts of energy is now as simple as unplugging your computer.
Back when electricity costs were relatively low, easy eco-friendly initiatives like unplugging weren’t as high a priority. Yet recent surveys have revealed that around two-thirds of businesses are now paying more attention to energy efficiency than they were just a year ago. Some companies are motivated to act by rising energy prices; others have a genuine commitment to lowering their carbon footprint.
Read on to find six easy ways to save a huge amount of energy at work – and at home, too. You’ll reduce your electric bill, and also help the environment.
1. Simply unplug your appliances
It is a common misconception that hardware uses no power when not switched on. Many appliances continue to draw a small amount of power when they are switched off – and that little bit can really add up. Studies have revealed that a shocking 75 percent of electricity is used by hardware that is turned off.
Have you ever noticed that your mobile phone or iPAQ charger is hot to touch even when it is not in use? This is because it draws energy the entire time the device is plugged in.
To avoid this costly power drain, simply unplug devices from the wall every time you finish using them. This might initially be a difficult habit to get into, but soon it will be second nature and you’ll notice a fantastic difference in your electricity bills.
2. Switch to power-saving settings
You don’t have to be an IT expert to improve your PC’s energy efficiency. With any desktop PC or notebook PC running Microsoft® Windows® you can quickly reset its energy-saving settings.
Just go to "Start" and click on "Control Panel", then select the "Power Options" menu. Here you can reduce the power you use by changing your energy-saving settings from "idle" to "standby". This means every time you take a break and leave your PC running, you use 20 to 50 times less electricity.
To save even more electricity, reduce the time delay before your PC switches to a power-saving mode. See your "Power Options" menu to make this quick change.
3. Turn-off your screen saver
Another efficiency tip is turning off your screen saver. Studies have revealed that monitors using a screen saver eat up much more energy than those in standby mode.
4. Backup during the day
Even more power can be spared if you schedule your computer’s data backup during your workday – for example, during your lunch break. Doing this means that you won’t have to leave your computer on overnight, and you have an excuse to take a proper break during the day.
5. Buy energy-efficient products
These days ENERGY STAR® qualified office equipment is easy to find and affordable to buy. It provides you with dramatic power savings, as much as 90 percent for certain products.
HP designs its wide range of ENERGY STAR® qualified office equipment to provide highest performance with lower energy usage. For example, new server and workstation systems are designed to maintain power efficiency while meeting the needs of high-throughput, data-intensive applications.
6. Complete the conservation cycle
Whether you work with a large enterprise, a small- to medium-sized business, or have a home office, when you are finished with your hardware or printing supplies, remember to recycle them. Check out HP’s trade-in, donate and recycling options for your used computer or printing hardware, batteries and HP printing supplies.
And don’t forget, once you have disposed of your old equipment, you can purchase new energy-efficient solutions

My Bad

Its not enough that this driver hit one person, but he hit 14. One person died while the others were injured. What is this person doing that he could not see a group of people riding in front of him... Maybe, talking on the phone?

A picture of loneliness

When I see this photo I can see how sad this girl is. I feel her pain, agony, loneliness and her just trying to be accepted

The issues that exist on this picture probably can not be see by the naked eye, but with a camera you can see the true power of a photo!

Finally

Finally, the democratic nomination. You would think with Obama being a black that more blacks would be supporting him, but in reality he has the support of the white voters as well. He has transended the issue of color and pushed a message of change!

The excuse to vote for Obama

Day in and day out I hear the same rhetoric that Conservative talk show host like Russ Limball, Ben Ferguson and Michael Savage speak about why should they vote for Obama.

The level of knowledge that they possess is unlimited, but when they say liberal democratic the has such posionwith the use of the word hear says all these lame comments about give them a reason why they should vote for Obama.
1) He wants to end the war. He
has a plan and wants to put it in effect.
2) Universal health care. Millions and millons of people are in need of health care and can not afford it!
3) The gas prices are out of hand and he wants to lower gas prices...
4) He says he represents change, to be honest I have no ideal what change is, but the main thing is we need something more than what we have been given.

The War for Gas

Everyday I listen to the candidates debate on how they will make changes to the world and make it a better place to live. The Iraq War is the hot topic right now, everyone has a plan to end it quickly. Although, the war the US is having is not actually with Iraq, its with the rising cost of living and how it is creating havoc on the lives of blue collar workers. In 2003, that was the year Bush pumped up the US to go to war with Iraq. The theory of the war was to control oil prices, dethrone Saddam, avenge 9/11 and catch Bin Laden. What did the war allow us to accomplish? We caught Saddam but we lost 5,000 of our American troops. 5 years later we have not captured Bin Laden and the havoc of record high gas and food prices is crippling the american economy! You see when I pump gas it is $3.29 a gallon. Milk at $4.02 a gallon is higher than gasoline. The cost of living has gradually increased since we started the war with Iraq and continues to reach record highs each day. So after weighing the options of what we attempted to accomplish, by starting the war. Now we need to figure out what we are going to accomplish by ending the war. Just quiting is not enough, we need a plan with actions on lowering the gas and food prices in the United States. The candidates plan should contain information on improving the economy, a time- line of how long it will take and a detailed discription of how taxed will be lowered and incomes/ increased. The trickle down effect of fighting with a country that has all the oil hurt the United States, and we are paying for it each and everyday. So we don't need any more hot air, if you don't have a clue ask somebody! Americans can not take 4 more years of this!

The letter

Dear Connie,
I know the counselor said we shouldn’t contact each other during our cooling off period, but I couldn’t wait anymore.
The day you left, I swore I’d never talk to you again but that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride’s cost me a lot of things. I’m tired of pretending I don’t miss you. I don’t care about looking bad anymore. I don’t care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe its time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt.

This is what my heart says: “There’s no one like you, Connie. I look to you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they’re not you. They’re not even close.”

Two weeks ago, I met this girl at flamingos and brought her home with me. I don’t say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19; with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn’t believe and an ass that just wouldn’t quit. Every mans’ dream, right?

As I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we’ve made important in our lives. It’s all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I’m getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I’d never really thought of that before. I don’t know, maybe I’m just grown up a little.

Later, after I’d tossed her about a half pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking. “Why do I feel so drained and empty?” It wasn’t just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn’t feel the same because you weren’t there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Connie, I’m just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Ho9liday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn’t eating right without a woman around. I didn’t know what she meant till later, but that’s not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we’re banging away in our bedroom. And this tart’s a total monster in the sack. She’s giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she’s not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us/ And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmothers old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, we can watch ourselves. And it’s totally hot, but it makes me sad, too because I can’t help thinking, “Why didn’t Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We’ve had this old vanity for what. 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy”

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicki just a kid and all, but she’s got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she’s been a real friend to me during this painful time. She’s given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She’s pulling for us to get back together. Connie, she really is.

So we’re doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here’s this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18.And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicki really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressures you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I’m thrusting inside your baby sister’s cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It’s true, Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don’t you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know

Otherwise, can you let me know where the fucking remote is?

Love Dan