GRANDMA'S BIRTH CONTROL PILLS

After working most of her life Grandma finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills."Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?"Yes, they help me sleep at night.""Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!" She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks... And believe me, it helps me sleep at night ." You gotta love Grandmas!

Mortgage rates at 9-month high

Rates on 30-year fixed mortgages have surged a tenth of a percentage point to a 9-month high on growing concerns about inflation, mortgage backer Freddie Mac said Thursday.
Freddie Mac (FRE, Fortune 500) said 30-year fixed-rate mortgages averaged 6.42% with an average of 0.7 point in the week ending Thursday, up from 6.32% last week. Last year at this time, the 30-year loan averaged 6.69%.
The last time the 30-year fixed rate mortgage was higher was the week ended Sept. 6, when it averaged 6.46%, according to Eileen B. Fitzpatrick, a Freddie Mac spokeswoman. "Fixed-rate mortgage rates continued to climb this week to the highest point in nearly nine months following the release of May's consumer and producer price indexes, both of which showed stronger levels of inflation," said Frank Nothaft, Freddie Mac vice president and chief economist, in a statement.
"Additionally, consumer prices rose 0.6% last month, the most since November 2007, and traders began to fully price in a Federal Reserve rate hike by the end of September, based on the federal funds futures market," he added.
For rates to stop climbing and start to ease, "we would have to see some settling of inflation pressures - notably a leveling, if not outright decline, of food and energy costs," said Keith Gumbinger, vice president of HSHAssociates.com, an online publisher of consumer loan information.
While inflationary pressure is pushing interest rates higher, it's also pushing buyers out of the market and home prices down, said Gumbinger.
"Interest rates were about this level - give or take - last year, but home prices were considerably higher," he said. "Rates may not be lower, but your home prices may be lower."
The 15-year fixed-rate mortgage this week averaged 6.02% with an average 0.7 point, up from last week when it averaged 5.93%. A year ago at this time, the 15-year FRM averaged 6.37%. The last time the 15-year FRM was higher was the week ending Oct. 18, when it averaged 6.08%.
Five-year adjustable-rate mortgages (ARMs) averaged 5.89% this week, with an average 0.6 point, up from last week when it averaged 5.70%. A year ago, the 5-year ARM averaged 6.31%. This is the highest the 5-year ARM has been since the week ending Dec. 27, when it averaged 5.90%.
One-year Treasury-indexed ARMs averaged 5.19% this week with an average 0.6 point, up from last week when it was 5.09%. At this time last year, the 1-year ARM averaged 5.66%.
"The housing market still struggles. New construction of single family (1-unit) homes fell in May to the weakest pace since January 1991 and April's starts had a downward revision," added Nothaft.

8 people arrested for mortgage fraud

The eight Dallas-Fort Worth area residents arrested by federal agents earlier this week is part of a national takedown of mortgage fraud schemes, according to the U.S. Department of Justice.
In an effort dubbed "Operation Malicious Mortgage," the department and the Federal Bureau of Investigation have charged 406 people in 144 mortgage fraud cases between March 1 and June 18.
"Operation Malicious Mortgage highlights the strong enforcement response undertaken by the Department of Justice and its law enforcement partners to combat the threat mortgage fraud poses to the U.S. housing industry and worldwide credit markets," the department said in a press release.
On Wednesday, federal agents arrested 60 people in 15 districts across the country on mortgage fraud. Locally, authorities arrested eight people and indicted three others in connection to a four-year mortgage scheme involving 11 Dallas-Fort Worth area homes. (See Dallas Business Journal story "FBI arrests 8 people for mortgage fraud")
U.S. attorneys have brought charges in every region of the United States and in more than 50 judicial districts. The FBI estimates that $1 billion in losses were inflicted by the mortgage fraud schemes employed in these cases.
The Justice Department has even gone after big companies. On Thursday, U.S. attorneys in New York indicted two senior managers of failed Bear Stearns hedge funds, charging Ralph Cioffi and Mathew Tannin with conspiracy, securities fraud and wire fraud. Cioffi was also charged with insider trading.
The indictment alleged that the two managers marketed the two funds as a low risk strategy, backed by a pool of debt securities such as mortgages. But by March 2007, the managers believed the funds were in grave condition and at risk of collapse, but made misrepresentations to stave off investor withdrawal, prosecutors said. The funds subsequently collapsed in the summer of 2007 resulting in $1.4 billion in losses to investors.
"Mortgage fraud and related securities fraud pose a significant threat to our economy, to the stability of our nation's housing market and to the peace of mind of millions of American homeowners," said Deputy Attorney General Mark R. Filip. "Operation Malicious Mortgage and our other mortgage-related enforcement actions demonstrate the Justice Department's commitment and determination to combat these criminal schemes, hold their perpetrators accountable and help restore stability and confidence in our housing and credit markets."
Besides the FBI and Justice Department, other federal agencies involved in Operation Malicious Mortgage include the U.S. Postal Inspection Service, Internal Revenue Service, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement, U.S. Secret Service, U.S. Trustee Program, Department of Housing and Urban Development Office, Department of Veterans Affairs, and Federal Deposit Insurance Corp.

One Question IQ Test

Here's a one-question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day......

There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now, if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?

Think about it first before scrolling down for the answer...

He opens his mouth and says. 'I would like to buy a pair of sunglasses.' If you got this wrong, please turn off your computer and call it a day. I've got mine shutting down right now.(You know you missed it too, so shut down your computer.)

the bird feeder.

I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it lovingly with seed.

It was indeed a beautiful bird feeder.

With in a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.

But then the birds started building nests in the boards ofthe patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue. Then came the bird shit. It was everywhere; on the patio tile, the chairs, the table ... everywhere! Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.

And others birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.

Aftera while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone.

I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like it used to be ... quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal. Now let's see ..... Our government gives out freefood, subsidized housing, free medical care, and free educationand allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.

Then the illegals came by the millions. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for freeservices; small apartments
arehousing 5 or more families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen bya doctor in an emergency room because it is filled with illegals; your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English.

Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to press one' to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than 'Old Glory' are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding
morerights and free liberties.
Its just my opinion but: maybe, just maybe, it's time for the government to take down the damn bird feeder.

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of
language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative

'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

Number 1

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___you're doing.

Number 2

TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go -getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.

Number 3

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

Number 4

TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.

Number 5

TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!

Number 6

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

Number 7

TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in t he project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.

Number 8

TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

Number 9

TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.

Number 10

TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?

Number 11

TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.

Number 12

TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

Number 13

TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my black a__.

Number 14

TRY SAYIN G: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.

Number 15

TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

Number 16

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.

Number 17

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?

Number 18

TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.

Thank You,
Human Resources

Things you never thought about...

Here are a few things to think about that you probably have
> never thought about;
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Can you cry under water?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> How important does a person have to be before they are
> considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but
> it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going
> to?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes
> you were buried in for eternity?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> What disease did cured ham actually have?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it
> would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies
> wake up like every two hours?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a
> hearing?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money
> in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going
> to see you naked anyway.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to
> a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid
> song about him?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of
> a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time,
> but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
> They're both dogs!
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap,
> why didn't he just buy dinner?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
> vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from
> morons?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
> same tune?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he
> gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his
> head out the window?
>